Yesterday I was watching a video about the Money mindset among women. Especially the Money mindset for women over 35 is often surprisingly lopsided and could use an upgrade. For me one of the Moneyblocks was very recognizable; denying your desires.
I see the detrimental effect of that on women around me. It happens often in small things. Maybe you are spending all your money on your children, making sure they have the best while you are wearing underwear that you already have for at least 12 years. Or maybe your partner buys all sorts of new gadgets for his hobbies, while you don’t even take the time to go and get a good haircut or buy a decent laptop for yourself.
Suddenly it dawned on me how important it is to learn that you can spend money on yourself. You probably can use help to learn this because it needs a significant change in your thinking.
It’s actually like on an airplane: put on your own oxygen mask before you help your children. Because if you help them out first, you might not get the time to save yourself.
If you keep denying your own desires chances are that you will be less happy. And that has a much larger and longer-lasting effect on your environment, then when you sometimes don’t buy expensive clothes for your kids.
8 years ago I saw photos of people on a painting trip on Facebook. That was a dream I would love to come true for myself. When I checked what such a trip actually costs I nearly choked; for that amount we normally went on holiday for three weeks with our complete family. I could never spend that amount of money on myself for just one week!
However, the desire remained in my heart and every year I saw happy painting people on Facebook again. They had so much fun with each other because they were on an adventure together with like-minded people. Some time off from wiping snotty noses, not thinking about what to have for diner or who has to play football today? Just enjoying the time to go to a museum and take as much photos as you want, without the rest of the family getting bored. And all the time of the world to make beautiful things.
In 2015, after three years of dreaming about an Art Retreat I finally had the courage to e-mail Pauline Agnew and ask her for a discount, because I had attended a painting class with her. She obviously could not give that because everyone who went along on the trip had followed her e-courses. After some mailing back and forth she ended with: “Marieke, you are worth every penny of this trip to France. You will enjoy it so much and I know it will be life changing!”
And that was so true. I even balanced on a high wire 6 meters above the ground although I had suffered from vertigo for a few years. In painting you can find many parallels with life. Pauline taught me to paint more freely, to unleash all sorts of boundaries in my head. And probably the most important step: from that time I dared to call myself an artist. Before all this I recognized myself in my mother. Her whole life she gathered things to be able to paint and do all kinds of handicrafts. The rare times that she allowed herself to create she made the most beautiful things. I can still feel sad that she didn’t treat herself with this pleasure more often. It was her belief that when you are an adult you always have to take care of others.
Of course that has influenced my thinking, that as an adult you are not allowed to play anymore. But fortunately there was Pauline who convinced me to try it in France. I can think of no better way to fully enjoy life. Since a few years I am also passing on the joy; by giving paint workshops and teaching at Art Retreats I organize abroad. I love to create these safe spaces for people to explore and play. And I truly hope that you understand this: Now is the time to take care of yourself, so your battery remains charged and therefore you can give back energy to others!
mariekekamperman 